Thursday, July 20, 2006

Why 15 year olds should KEEP OFF the Internet

deranged blogger
Throughout my political career, I've often stood up and helped protect the children. I've protected children from filthy movies, obscene music, and violent video games. No matter the medium, I've helped shelter our children from it. But now is the time to start protecting our children from the Internet. Because the Internet is warping our kids' brains.

Ava Lowery, a 15 year old girl from Alabama, has become famous for her anti-war animations on her website, Peace Takes Courage. Now if that weren't bad enough, her most recent creation does the most unspeakable thing: it attacks me! You can watch it here, if you can stomach it.

It's clear from watching her animations that Ava is too immature to handle exposure to the Internet. None of our precious, impressionable young people are. Therefore, I will propose new legislation in the Senate next week that prohibits anyone under the age of 21 from accessing the Internet in any way. As a society, we've determined that people under 21 are not capable of handling alcohol. Well, let me be the first one to tell you that the Internet is much more dangerous than alcohol ever was. If put into the wrong hands, the power of the Internet can do much damage. We as a society certianly do not want that.

13 Comments:

Blogger Mark D. Snyder said...

15 year olds ar enot children that need protected. They need informed so they can make choices on their own. You are someone who seeks to keep them sheltered, uninformed, and disempowered to make a difference in the world. You totally underestimate the intelligence of young people.

7:56 AM  
Blogger Mark D. Snyder said...

ooops i just stumbled upon this web site and reacted too quickly not realizing it was satire lol!

7:57 AM  
Anonymous Kyle said...

Oh my goodness! That scared the living daylights out of me! Thank goodness it's satire.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joe, this girl just proves how far-sighted your earlier campaigns against video games and "rap" music really were! Now wonder Our Greatest Living American, George W. Bush, gave you that big smooch!
-- sglover

1:13 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Joe, you need to add William Kristol under the endorsements section.

1:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Joe, is it fascism yet?

1:19 PM  
Blogger Scarce said...

Senator,

The Ava Lowery ad is also at YouTube now. I really do think you stated your case well that you didn't do any of this to be popular.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRL9NFkgDkU

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Ted said...

Joe, this is a great idea. Most people don't understand that the internet is a set of tubes, and if you aren't careful, they can get clogged up. Stuff like Miss Lowery is producing clogs up the tubes. It is like cholesterol.

We should start by keeping kids off of the internet, but we shouldn't stop there. We need to make sure that people don't use the internet for criticizing our great leaders.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Da Rat Bastid said...

LIE-berman,
Take your holy roller attitude and stick it where the sun don't shine. I know it'll be hard to get it in because the pharmaceuticals and the insurance lobby have been buggering you for decades.
You love it, too. Haddasah must be jealous, or does she stroke you while they slam your rectum?
I'm glad CT finally came to their senses and found someone to boot your ass from the senate!
Oh, and thanks for all your "help" with the '02 Curry campaign. John Rowland still loves you!!!

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, you are divorced from reality!

3:11 PM  
Anonymous FGFM said...

Good idea. Give 'em Zell, Joe!

3:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This just reaffirms why I voted for Nader after seeing holy joe's name on the ballot in '00.

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i can personally attest to the fact that these voter-wannabe teens like ava should NEVER be allowed to speak up- after all, if they start trying to make sense out of all this chaos, how will rethuglicrats like joe keep finding deep meaning in it all?

this morning, i asked the little know-it-all if she would do the dishes, and guess what she said? she said "but i have an interview on air america!" AIR AMERICA! can you IMAGINE? what kind of mother would allow her child to be on that communist network, talking all that idealism and peace shit?

i agree with joe. shut her up and make her do the dishes. that is what teenagers are for.

and by the way joe, speaking of those crazy kids your voice sounds just like a famous celebrity dad (you even kinda favor long suffering willie)- http://www.tvshows.de/alf/images/pictures/alf13.jpg



ayn

(ava's mom)

2:14 PM  

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