Connecticut For Lieberman!

Jimmy Carter is a Horrible Human Being

2006-09-14T00:13:00.000-07:00

Jimmy Carter is evil. Evil right down to his cold black heart, which pumps not blood like yours and mine, but rather a thick, vominous fluid that clots in his pea-sized brain and is the cause of his Nazi-esque pattern of violent behavior. Don't let his Nobel Peace prize and that Habitat for Humanity schtick fool you.

And you wouldn't believe what he said about me! That wrinkly old peanut farmer had the gall to say this on Larry King Live:

He’s been strongly in favor of the Iraqi war from the very beginning. He was one of the originators of the public statements that misled the American people into believing that the Iraqi war was justified. He’s been an undeviating supporter of the war from the very beginning and still is. He’s joined in with the Republican spokespersons by saying that Democrats who disagree are really supporting terrorism. So for all these reasons I’ve lost my confidence in Joe Lieberman and don’t wish to see him re-elected.

Watch the video here. What an asshole! I'm never eating peanuts again.

New Endorsement: Jack French Kemp!

2006-08-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

I've got some great news! 1996 Republican Vice Presidential nominee Jack Kemp is going to be campaigning for me. As Sean Hannity might say, Mr. Kemp is a "Great American", so I am proud to have him on board Team Connecticut For Lieberman. As you can see, his name has been added to my endorsements list on the right side of the blog. I realize that I'm a little behind on adding people to my endorsements list. It's just that there's so many names to add! All the great thinkers of our time. Dick. Newt. Donald. Chris Shays. I can't keep up with them all.

I did learn something interesting, though. Jack's middle name is "French". Now, I thought all conservatives hated France. Hell, I hate France. All this time, from when he was playing Quarterback for the Buffalo Bills to when he was a Republican member of the House of Representatives to when he was running for President as a Republican in 1988, to when he served in the cabinet of Republican President George HW Bush, his middle name was "French". Go figure. Well, we're proud to have Frenchie on board anyway. Thanks for your support, Jack. Merci!

P. S. I always thought that Ned Lamont's middle name should be "French" (it's actually "Miner", named for actress and former Macauly Culkin spouse Rachel Miner).

Pluto Was Robbed

2006-08-30T19:07:00.000-07:00

So I hear a bunch of scientists at the International Astronomical Union voted to kick Pluto out of the list of planets. See, that's the first problem. Voting. So what if people voted? Maybe Pluto WANTED to stay a planet. Doesn't anyone care what Pluto wants in all of this? The New Horizons spacecraft will flyby Pluto in 2015. Perhaps we should wait until then to make this decision so we know how the little planet really feels. That's what really matters, not a bunch of elitist voters.

I really empathize with Pluto. We have a lot in common.

They're trying to cancel Joey!

2006-08-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

New Haven Independent:

A day after U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman declared himself a "devoted Democrat" on national TV, peace activists in his hometown of New Haven asked the local registrar of voters Monday afternoon to strip him of his party affiliation because of his third-party reelection bid against party-endorsed Ned Lamont.

Some two dozen activists, camera crews and reporters squeezed into the narrow entry to the second-floor Registrar of Voters office to present their request to Ferrucci. Ferrucci said she wasn't familiar with the law. In a friendly encounter with the surprise crowd in her office, Ferrucci promised, "I will read it and get back to you" within 48 hours or sooner.

The activists cited Section 9-61 of Chapter 143 of the state statutes in their request. That section allows for a Democrat's party affiliation to be "stricken or excluded" for two years if he runs for office as a candidate of a different party.

Peace activists, huh? Someone should take these people out to the parking lot and kick their asses. Nobody cancels Joe Lieberman's membership in the Democratic Party but Joe Lieberman!

P.S. That show "Joey" is really great. It's probably one of the best sitcoms ever! I watch it all the time; it's way better than "Friends" ever was. Better name, too. I hope it stays on the air forever.

CT-SEN Polling Update

2006-08-22T22:14:00.000-07:00

After the primary, I kind of felt down in the dumps. I'll admit it. I felt like John Travolta probably did when he was making Look Who's Talking Too. You know, like "Why me?" and "Has my life really sunk this low?"

But then, some new polls were released, and everything changed. I was ahead in every poll! I felt like I was on top of the world once again. I felt like I had made a comeback reminiscent of John Travolta's with Pulp Fiction! Thankfully Hadassah hasn't had any Uma moments with cocaine (yet).

Here's some of the polls released since the primary:

8/9 Rasmussen - Lieberman (I) 46, Lamont (D) 41, Schlesinger (R) 6
8/17 Quinnipiac - Lieberman (I) 53, Lamont (D) 41, Schlesinger (R) 4
8/22 ARG - Lieberman (I) 44, Lamont (D) 42, Schlesinger (R) 3

That last one shows a clear hint of liberal media bias, so it's safe to assume the other two polls are more accurate. Suck on that, Ned Lamont!

Been away, but now I'm back!

2006-08-22T21:49:00.000-07:00

Hello, Connecticut For Lieberman supporters!

I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I sure have been busy since I finished in a two-way tie for first place in the Democratic Primary. As President Bush might say, running for Senate is hard work.

I feel somewhat liberated now that I don't have to kiss the asses of all those slimy liberals any more, and can concentrate on my core supporters. My true friends. My base.

Republicans.

For example, I was on the Glenn Beck show recently, and I didn't even have to pretend that I gave a damn about what the Democrats thought. I could just be myself. My right-wing, war-mongering self.

Now, thankfully the Connecticut Repubs are running gambling addict Alan Schlesinger, who is polling terribly. This leaves me a golden opportunity to vacumn up most of the Republican votes. Along with a majority of independents and non-traitorous Democrats, this means that I will win in November.

It's good to be back.

Greatest Hits

2006-08-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

All the recent publicity regarding the Connecticut For Lieberman party combined with the fact that Joe2006.com is STILL down means that I've been getting a lot of new visitors to my blog lately. So I decided to compile a list of my bests posts here on Liebermania as a way of introducing it to a new audience. I'm sure some of you are saying, "Hey Joe, isn't this blog only one month old?" Well, yes it is. But in that one month, I've created more valuable content then the entire liberal blogosphere combined. It's important that I share my best work with as many people as possible. Without further ado:

In Bed With Big Pharma
Why 15-Year-Olds Should KEEP OFF The Internet
Lieberman Goes Hollywood
Homeland Security Busts Bloggers
Flashback: Stickin' Up For Rummy
John McCain Hearts Joe Lieberman
I Kind Of Feel Like A Man-Whore

Ned Lamont Loves Terrorists

2006-08-11T13:56:00.000-07:00

"If we just pick up like Ned Lamont wants us to do, get out by a date certain, it will be taken as a tremendous victory by the same people who wanted to blow up these planes in this plot hatched in England. It will strengthen them, and they will strike again.”

- Joe Lieberman

I Fooled Larry King

2006-08-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

Last night I was on Larry King on CNN, and he brought up that Godforsaken George W. Bush kiss again. I am SO SICK of that damned kiss! I wasn't going to have any of that shit, so I pretended like I couldn't hear him. Larry totally bought it. You can watch my Academy-Award winning performance here.

THE REAL NED LAMONT

2006-08-09T23:12:00.000-07:00

I found this on Flickr. I thought it was quite accurate.

VICTORY!

2006-08-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

I've been liberated from the Democratic party! Now it's ALL ABOUT ME.

SAVE ME...GET OUT AND VOTE!

2006-08-08T00:27:00.000-07:00

Tell your friends to vote
Get out the vote
Pray

Now I realize most of these links direct you to Lamont's web site. This is only so because Joe2006.com is unreliable, due to an assault by pro-Lamont blogger-hackers. So we're going to leech off their site instead.

Remember, vote for the status quo. DO NOT rock the boat!

I HATE THE INTERNET

2006-08-07T23:52:00.000-07:00

First the only other pro-Lieberman blog besides this one, Lieberdem, quit and endorsed Ned Lamont. That was bad enough. Then, my official site, Joe2006.com, shut down because we didn't pay the bill or something. Who knows when it will be back?

I always say, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. That's why I have this blog. It's the only page on the 'tubes that you can count on.

NEW POLL: LAMONT 51 LIEBERMAN 45

2006-08-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin my peers and puttin suckas in fear
Makin blogger tears rain down like a MON-soon
Listen to their skulls go BOOM
Explosion, overpowerin
Over the competition, I'm towerin
Wreckin shop, when I drop these lyrics that'll make you call the cops
Don't you dare stare, you betta move
Don't ever compare
Me to the rest that'll all get sliced and diced
Competition's payin the price

[Chorus:]
I'm gonna knock Ned out (HUUUH!!!)
Mama said knock Ned out (HUUUH!!!)
[Repeat 4x]

I'm cancelling my subscription

2006-08-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

NEWSWEEK:

Thanks to the propaganda rag Lamontblog for tipping me off to this story. At least Cokie Roberts still has my back.

Bill Kristol Gave $500 To My Campaign

2006-08-05T23:19:00.000-07:00

A Man of Wisdom:

"We have to be ready to use military force against Iran, if it comes to that. Think what this crisis would be like given what we now know about the Islamic Republic of Iran, its regime, its recklessness, its close, close ties to terrorist groups. Think what the world wore would be like with an Iran with nuclear weapons. This is a very interesting moment in that respect. You know? We are in a way lucky that Iran has revealed its aggression, its recklessness, its terror ties before they succeeded in becoming a nuclear power. We have to stop them from getting nuclear weapons. We can try diplomacy. I am not hopeful about that. We have to be ready to use force."

Thanks for the cash, Bill!

Little Brat Deserves A Spanking

2006-08-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

My Hero

2006-08-03T23:40:00.000-07:00

As everyone knows, a poll came out yesterday that showed me behind Ned Lamont 54-41. Well I'm going to treat that news like all the other bad news I get: I'll completely ignore it. Besides, the poll doesn't even matter any more because of what happened AFTER the poll was taken.

On Wednesday, blogger Jane Hamsher put up an article on the Huffington Post featuring a photoshopped picture of myself and Bill Clinton, with me in blackface. After the Lamont campaign found out about it, they told her to remove the picture, which she did. Then, she wrote an unapologetic apology that basically passed the buck for her actions. If you want to take a look at the photo in question, Jane was kind enough to still leave a copy on her website for everyone to see.

To spend all that time up in Connecticut supporting Ned Lamont, and then to unleash this racist taboo bombshell that totally worked in my favor....wow! I can just imagine the conversation at Lamont HQ:

Tom Swan: Oh my GOD! Jane Hamsher just posted a photo of Lieberman in blackface!
Ned Lamont: Blackface? Are you fucking serious?!?
Tom Swan: Dead serious, boss. This is really going to hurt us.
Ned Lamont: Wow, with friends like these, who needs enemies?
Tom Swan: As your campaign manager, sir, I'd advise you to avoid using lame clichés like that.

Here's what it was like at Lieberman HQ:

Marion Steinfels: Did you see these new poll numbers? We're getting killed here!
Sexy Sean Smith: Wait! Jane Hamsher just posted a blackface pic of you, Joe!
Me: We're saved! Start hammering Lamont with this ASAP.
Sexy Sean Smith: Think she'll want to go out with me? She seems really dumb; we'd have that in common.

No Sean, I don't think she's dumb. You want to know why? Because I don't think this move was unintentional (nobody is THAT stupid). You see, I think Ms. Hamsher actually supports me. See, she used her mad Hollywood skillz to pretend to be a Lamont supporter, and get inside access to the campaign. Then, she posted that vile, disgusting graphic to make Lamont look bad by association. It totally gave me another avenue to attack Ned while avoiding the issues! And I'm not even paying her. She's too old to join the LieberYouth (WAY too old). I'm guessing she did it out of the goodness of her heart.

Let me also give a shoutout to Jane's photoshopping accomplice Darkblack (Darkblack! Haha I get it!). Tales of your handiwork that Jane posted have spread far and wide. Look at some of the media outlets that covered the story:

Stamford Advocate
WTNH
Washington Post
New York Times
Hartford Courant
New York Sun

Wow Jane, you're really making a name for yourself. And all to benefit me. I salute you, Jane Hamsher. You're my hero!

New Endorsement: Tom Delay

2006-08-03T01:07:00.000-07:00

Commenter 'Jim in Chicago' let me know that Tom Delay just endorsed me in the primary! He did so on one of my favorite shows, Hannity & Colmes. Here's the video of the endorsement. It's good to see Tom back in the political game. He was planning on retiring, but it looks like the courts aren't going to let him get off the ballot. So he'll run again, he'll win again, and he and I will work together on a bipartisan basis again in the 110th Congress.

I've also added Mr. Delay to my endorsements list. Quite the list of Great Americans that is turning out to be.

Thanks, Tom!

I'm Kookoo for Linky Threads

2006-08-01T22:54:00.000-07:00

Here is my appearance schedule for today. Be sure to meet me at the anti Wal-Mart rally at noon in Bridgeport. But don't tell anyone that I received a $1000 campaign contribution from the company; it's our little secret.
The Connecticut For Lieberman campaign fundraiser featuring Mel Gibson has been cancelled.

Not only is blogger Matt Stoller now stalking me in CT, he's also an image thief. Hey Matt: keep it up and you just might end up in Gitmo with all the other enemies of freedom. All it would take is a phone call. Being friends with George W. Bush has its privileges, you know.

Last week, political mastermind Mort Kondracke wrote a column in defense of me. It was behind the Roll Call firewall, so non-subscribers couldn't read it. But wait! Somehow the good folks at freerepublic.com have liberated the whole thing. Mort's analysis, much like his toupee, is quite spiffy. I'd like to thank my DC insdier friend Mr. Kondracke and all the Freeper-Americans for their support.

Ned Lamont has a new commercial out. You can take my word for it; it's not any good. It's just a bunch of people throwing money down a wishing well. What if there were people at the bottom of that well, like in The Goonies? Someone could have been injured by flying currency! Ned Lamont: He doesn't care about the well-being of well-dwellers.

Milk It

2006-07-31T22:57:00.000-07:00

I marched with Dr. Martin Luther King in 1963.

Let me repeat that.

I marched with Dr. Martin Luther King in 1963. Isn't that an awesome statement to be able to make? How many people can actually say that they were there with Dr. King, during the dark days before the landmark Civil Rights Act was signed? Not many, that's for sure. How many contemporary politicians were registering African-Americans to vote in the Deep South during the '60s, like I was? Very few.

What have I done for African-Americans lately? Well, to be perfectly honest, not much. I have spoken out against affirmative action and helped get anti-affirmative action judges John Roberts and Samuel Alito on the Supreme Court. I support a war that has killed hundreds of Blacks and maimed thousands more, and I was the chairman of the committee that rubber-stamped Michael "Brownie" Brown as head of FEMA in just 42 minutes. Hell, I've even engaged in race-baiting attacks against Ned Lamont that are ethically dubious. But none of that matters. You want to know why?

I marched with Dr. Martin Luther King in 1963. My great deeds of the past outweigh my paltry support for the African-American community recently. See, it's sort of like the Rolling Stones. 'Satisfaction', 'Jumpin' Jack Flash', and 'Paint it Black' were all released in the '60s. Can anyone name some songs that they have they released in the past twenty years? I sure can't! But The Stones can still go on stage and play the old chart toppers, and nobody cares that they haven't done jack squat creatively for two decades. They're living off of their classic hits, just like I am.

I'm gonna milk my historical association for the civil rights movement for all its worth. Here's what I had to say yesterday at an event in New Haven:

In the rest of his speech, Lieberman referred repeatedly to his work in the 1960s marching and registering voters in the South... At a certain point during the anecdote, one of his staffers shouted out derisively 'Where was Ned?' Lieberman grinned and said 'That's a good question, where was Ned?' While not a devastating blow, it does seem reasonable to wonder why Ned Lamont wasn't in the South in the early 1960s registering voters like Joe Lieberman was. Apparently, Ned's lame excuse is that he was in elementary school.

Elementary school? Ha! He still wasn't there. I don't care that Maxine Waters has endorsed Ned, or that Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton will be campaigning with him before the big vote on August 8th. There's only one MLK, Mr. Lamont. I was with him, and you were not.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go add the classic Stones hits 'Sympathy for the Devil' and 'Start Me Up' to my Ipod.

Lamont will be on The Colbert Report Monday!

2006-07-30T18:15:00.000-07:00

Just a reminder to all you fine folks out there: Ned Lamont will be appearing as a guest on The Colbert Report on Comedy Central tomorrow, 7/31. As you already know, Colbert once said that I was his favorite democrat, so I fully expect him to NAIL Nutty Ned.

And as you can see, I don't think being endorsed by bears is going to help Lamont's cause on Colbert's show, either. Let Stephen know what a bear-lover Lamont is here.

Supporting Our President

2006-07-30T16:03:00.000-07:00

From the Hartford Courant:

In Ansonia, Dorothy Bivens held a Lieberman sign on the sidewalk. A Mobile, Ala., resident visiting her daughter, Bivens seemed overcome when Lieberman stopped, shook her hand and thanked her for helping him on her vacation.

"I love Joe Lieberman," she said.

Asked why, her answer did not come from the day's suggested talking points: "Because he supports the president, and I support the president."

I'd like to personally thank Dorothy Bivens for her support. If enough people like her come out to the polls and vote for me on August 8th, then I can continue to support President Bush and his designated successor for the next six years in the US Senate.

Lieberman Goes Hollywood

2006-07-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

My campaign has become an epic struggle between good versus evil. On one side is truth, justice, and the American Way (me). On the other side is anger, hate, and a neverending desire for power (Ned Lamont and his leftyblog friends). It's just like a movie! So, I decided to come up with a cast list of the actors and actresses that would star in a feature film about my glorious battle against the forces of darkness. I've taken the liberty of using some deceased actors in the cast (this is just for fun, after all!). But if an actual Hollywood studio becomes interested in making this movie after my inevitable electoral victory, I can make a few changes. Without further ado, here is the cast of Lieberman: THE MOVIE!

Charlton Heston as Senator Joe Lieberman

Heston is known for his heroic roles, and if any one word would define me, it would be 'hero'. I'm not sure if Chuck is Jewish, but he did play Moses once, so that's good enough for me. I can just picture him in the movie: "You want to take my Senate seat away? From my cold, dead hands!"

Don Knotts as 'Nutty' Ned Lamont

When I think of the term "bug-eyed freak", I think of Don Knotts. And Ned Lamont IS a bug-eyed freak. Knotts is also a good choice because Lamont embodies Barney Fife's incompetence and supports Ralph Furley's anti-abstinence agenda.

Sally Field as Lovely Wife Hadassah Lieberman

Now I know Sally Field doesn't look much like Hadassah, but there's just something about a woman hawking pharmaceuticals that turns me on.

Chris Farley as Evil Genius Tom Swan

Swan is Lamont's campaign manager. Chris Farley was an overweight, out of control substance abuser. That's Tom Swan in a nutshell. Except Farley was funny.

Sean Smith as Campaign Manager Sean Smith

Mr. Smith is my campaign manager. I couldn't find another actor as sexy as Sean, so he's going to have to play himself.

Kathy Bates as Stalker Blogger Jane Hamsher

I was going to have Jane be played by the late Anne Ramsey (Mama Fratelli from The Goonies) but I couldn't find any good pictures of Mama. But Kathy Bates fits well, too. You just know that if she had the chance, Ms. Hamsher would lock me up in some isolated cabin, tie me to the bed, and break my legs just like the Annie Wilkes character from 'Misery' did to that writer. And sticking with the Stephen King theme, Hamsher's rabid dogs would be played by Cujo and his evil spawn.

Gilbert Gottfried as Kingpin Blogger Markos Moulitsas Zúniga

Daily Kos head honcho Marcos has a lot in common with uber-irritating comedian Gilbert Gottfried. They're both short, annoying, and have strange sounding voices. The physical resemblance is uncanny as well!

and Jim Caviezel as Commander-in-Chief George W. Bush

No explanation needed.

LINKORAMA

2006-07-26T23:06:00.000-07:00

Well the race is heating up. I've got a ton of corporate donors to schmooze over, and I'm short on time to blog. Here are a few blurbs to tide you over:

I'm proud to announce another endorsement: Col. Vasily Andropov! The Connecticut For Lieberman party salutes you, sir.
My opponent, 'Nutty' Ned Lamont, was endorsed by none other than verbal pornographer Howard Stern. You can listen to that anti-family values psycho praise Lamont here, but make sure to wash your ears out with soap after doing so.
Willington became the 5th Connecticut town to pass a resolution demanding that I drop my possible independent bid for the Senate. As one of my biggest supporters might say, Willington is now DEAD TO ME.
Hartford Courant headline: Lamont Returns to the Attack. Why would anyone want to attack me? I'm a nice guy, honest. All this anger and negativity isn't going to get you elected, punk. Besides, even if you did win, an angry liberal like you would never be invited to all the cool DC cocktail parties. So really, what is the point?

Take Their Tickets Away!

2006-07-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

I'm proud to annouce that Team Lieberman has scored yet another victory against blogofascism! So-called "citizen journalists" Spazeboy and Jane Hamsher were denied entry to the Clinton/Lieberman campaign extravaganza yesterday. Click on their loathsome names for their own personal accounts of the incident (probably all lies). The TRUTH straight from Joe HQ is here. These people think that they can hound me during this entire race, and expect to crash MY campaign event with their legitimate tickets to see the second-best President we've had in the past 10 years? I think not.

While this event was not organized by Karl Rove, our campaign was inspired by his ability during the '04 Presidential race to extinguish any sign of dissent, and by his skill in preventing the President from hearing any views contrary to his. The man is a genious. Hey, Bush won the '04 election, didn't he? We could do worse than to emulate a winning campaign.

I'm happy to tell you that the entire rally was 100% dissent-free, as it should have been. People cheered louder for Bill than they did for me, which was unfortunate. President Clinton didn't criticize Ned Lamont very much at all, which was also unfortunate. But 2,000 people came to the event, and were a captive audience to hear my message that we can have a better future if only we maintain the status quo. Therefore, I have to say the Clinton/Lieberman event was a success.

Clinton/Lieberman. I like the sound of that. Maybe me and HRC in '08?

Bubba Come And Save Me

2006-07-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

President Bill Clinton will be stopping in Connecticut to campaign for me today. He's my secret weapon! How many Presidents have been campaigning for Ned Lamont? (Answer: ZERO!) It's great that my man Bill will be in town, especially since his wife hasn't been much help.

I've been getting a lot of crap from the Ned Lamont crowd for my stance against Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Look, the reason that I ranted against Bill Clinton on his infidelity was that what he did was morally reprehnsible, and any decent man of God would have condemed it (and I didn't get the nickname Holy Joe for nothing!). Besides, some even say that what I did saved Clinton's presidency. Even so, it was still a difficult experience for all concerned. Thankfully, George W. Bush has never done anything morally objectionable enough to deserve a lecture on the Senate floor.

Also coming in to support me today is Barbara Boxer. Boxer, whose name proudly resides on my Campaign Endorsements list along with such luminaries as Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly, is the only Democratic Senator to actually come to Connecticut and campaign for me. Joe Biden was supposed to come, but I guess he is **still** waiting for his train. But you'd think that Senator Boxer would have shown up on a different day than President Clinton; she would have gotten much more publicity that way. Hmmmm....usually Senators really revel in attention. I guess Babs is just being selfless and doing this without any regard for getting credit. Everybody send Barbara Boxer an e-mail and thank her for supporting me!

I Don't Look Like That Guy From ALF!

2006-07-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I realized that this site was making major headway into the lefty nutroots when a link to it was frontpaged on the Daily Kos by site kingpin Markos Moulitsas Zúniga. I was hopeful that some Daily Kos readers would learn from what they read here on the Connecticut For Lieberman blog and we could have a healthy discussion about the issues, but no! They invaded my comments with vile, explitive-filled insults instead, which is typical of the level of discourse on the far left these days. A disgrace! Mr. Zúniga should really be ashamed of his readers; truly the worst of what society has to offer.

One particularly horrid insult was left by a woman that said I sounded and looked like the guy that played 'Willie' on the TV sitcom ALF. Look lady, I watched ALF all the time; that guy sounds nothing like me, and lacks my rugged, chisled good looks. Actor Max Wright, who played Willie, was arrested for drunk driving after he ran over some mailboxes a few years back. He seems more like a blogger than a Senator to me.

But this discussion of what celebrity looks like me brings up another subject. Last week, Ned Lamont fanboy Connecticut Bob posted his idea of who should play whom if a movie was ever made of the CT-SEN race between me and Nutty Ned. As you can see, his picks are all wrong. I look nothing like Abe Vigoda either, Bob! Leave your suggestions for what actors and actresses would be the best fit to play roles in this real-life drama in the comments. I'll write up the final, definitive cast list in a few days.

Homeland Security Busts Bloggers

2006-07-21T16:42:00.000-07:00

If you've been following the campaign recently, you've probably heard of the Kiss Float. The Lamont campaign has been stalking me for two weeks now with this damn float. Wherever I go, it follows. It's gotten so bad, that I've had to stop publicly announcing my campaign events! But sometimes, even THAT doesn't keep it away.

So a few days ago, I put in a good word with my friends at Homeland Security. As you can see by the video, they took care of the problem.

Thanks to one of my campaign volunteers for putting this video together. I think it's pretty funny. I hope those rabble-rousing bloggers liked spending the night in jail!

Why 15 year olds should KEEP OFF the Internet

2006-07-20T19:55:00.000-07:00

Throughout my political career, I've often stood up and helped protect the children. I've protected children from filthy movies, obscene music, and violent video games. No matter the medium, I've helped shelter our children from it. But now is the time to start protecting our children from the Internet. Because the Internet is warping our kids' brains.

Ava Lowery, a 15 year old girl from Alabama, has become famous for her anti-war animations on her website, Peace Takes Courage. Now if that weren't bad enough, her most recent creation does the most unspeakable thing: it attacks me! You can watch it here, if you can stomach it.

It's clear from watching her animations that Ava is too immature to handle exposure to the Internet. None of our precious, impressionable young people are. Therefore, I will propose new legislation in the Senate next week that prohibits anyone under the age of 21 from accessing the Internet in any way. As a society, we've determined that people under 21 are not capable of handling alcohol. Well, let me be the first one to tell you that the Internet is much more dangerous than alcohol ever was. If put into the wrong hands, the power of the Internet can do much damage. We as a society certianly do not want that.

Thank You, Rush Limbaugh!

2006-07-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

I'm very pleased to announce the latest addition to the 'ensorsements' section of my blogroll: Rush Limbaugh! Yes, Mr. Limbaugh firmly announced his support of me on his radio program a few days ago. You can follow this link to listen to what he had to say. Here's a snippet:

You know, what's happening with Lieberman is that the Democratic base is trying to run him out of the United States Senate, and they've got this media tycoon who has literally no political experience whatsoever, and we've played audio sound bites of some debates that they've had. It's clear this guy is just mouthing phrases he's been taught by the lunatics of the left-wing fringe.

I find this analysis to be completely on target. Ned Lamont doesn't know anything besides what he reads on crazed left-wing blogs; he's nothing but a political amateur that's trying to buy my Senate seat with his ill-gotten gains from his media empire. I love how Rush can simplify complex issues down to the core truth like this.

So, thanks again, Rush. You're the best!

New Poll is out

2006-07-20T11:44:00.000-07:00

A new poll was published on the race today, and it doesn't look good. Lamont has taken the lead for the first time in the primary. Of course, the unwashed hordes are in orgasmic celebration over the latest news. But you know if it was the other way around, they'd be blaming Diebold and demanding a recount.

Here are the new numbers:
Lieberman 47%
Lamont 51%

Just a month ago, I had a comfortable 15 point lead:
Lieberman 55%
Lamont 40%

But things still look good in a three way race:
Lieberman 51%
Lamont 27%
Schleshinger 9%

So it looks like the Democrats are throwing me under the bus. Fine. I never wanted to be in their little club anyway. But I have a secret weapon: the Connecticut for Lieberman Party! By running as a thrid party candidate, I can dilute the Democratic vote and get all my Republican friends to vote for me too. It's the perfect plan. Yes, I may lose the primary, but when November comes around, all of those pesky bloggers are going to be crying like little babies when I get another term! Bwahahahaha!

I Miss The Sean Hannity Show

2006-07-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

Over the coming days leading up to the primary, I'll be highlighting some of my biggest supporters here on the Connecticut for Lieberman blog. Today's honoree is none other than Sean Hannity!The Communist blog Crooks & Liars has the audio of a 16 minute interview I did with Sean earlier this year. Here's a transcript of some of the best parts:

Hannity: "I need to know, yes or no, do you want my suppport? ... I'm thinking 'Hannity Conservatives for Lieberman', and I'll do a big fundraiser in Connecticut.

Me: "Let me just say I appreciate your friendship and I appreciate your support. Really."

Hannity: "So You want my endorsement?"

[]

Hannity: Do you fear that the Democratic party has really been co-opted by a pretty hard left element?

Me: Well this is the great challenge to us. If Democrats ever want to get back to power, they're going to have to move back to the center.

[]

Me: Remember that there's a 22nd ammendment. George W. Bush can't run for president again. So stop complaining and just focusing on this President. Come up wtih a positive program that the will give the American people something they affirmatively want to vote for... We've got to come up with a positive, constructive program, and particularly on security, or we're not going to become a majority party again.

Hannity: You know something, it's amazing, I say that on this program all the time, Senator Lieberman.

I did promise Sean that I'd go on the Sean Hannity Show at least once a month, but now my slave driver of a campaign manager won't let me go on the program anymore. I guess some Connecticut voters don't like Sean, which doesn't make any sense considering his huge ratings and how reasonable, honest, and compassionate he is.

Oh, I CAN'T WAIT until I don't have to deal with the voters any more. Once this election is over with, win or lose, I'll be back on the Sean Hannity Show EVERY MONTH, guaranteed.

Lamont Campaign Groupie Verbally Assaults Me

2006-07-18T18:13:00.000-07:00

Now I know this happened a week ago, but it took me until now to finally calm down enough to go dig up some video of the confrontation. This Maura woman (who isn't even from Connecticut; she's from VIRGINIA) really has some nerve. Doesn't she realize that after three terms in the Senate, you get tenure? I'm amazed at my own ability to restrain my emotions and not lash out at her like I should have. As a true gentleman, I suppose I have to hold myself to a higher standard than what passes for civility in the Lamont cesspool.

Joe2004 Gear Still Available!

2006-07-17T17:22:00.000-07:00

I think we're all a little bit nostalgic for the past. As time goes by in life, we tend to forget about the bad and remember the good. Nostalgia seems to be more popular than ever these days, with the 18 different versions of VH1's I Love the 80's, the millions of hits received by RetroJunk.com, and the public's neverending fascination with the Old Tymey 1997 Photo Booth. It doesn't even matter if something isn't that old; we're still nostalgic for it.

For me, the time that I most fondly remember isn't when I was marching with MLK in '64. It's not even when I got married or when my kids were born. The time that I'm most nostalgic for is my 2004 Presidential campaign. And as I just found out, you too can relive those glory days by purchasing authentic campaign gear! I thought we had thrown the pins and bumper stickers away and shipped all the surplus clothing off to homeless children in Nairobi, but I guess I was wrong.

Remember those good times now with a hat, lapel pin, or T-Shirt. Relive my classic three-way tie for third place in New Hampshire with a bumper sticker. Hurry, supplies are theoreticly limited. Volume discounts are available!

Yes, it was the peak of my career. The Glorious War of Iraqi Liberation was still popular, nobody had ever heard of Ned Lamont, and YouTube hadn't been invented yet. Bloggers were not yet a political force, and the voters of Connecticut weren't always harassing me. Oh, just thinking about it makes me want to put on some of my old Joe2004 buttons.

Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

In Bed with Big Pharma

2006-07-16T21:14:00.000-07:00

In politics, you'll often hear the term "in bed" bandied about with a negative connotation. Like, "You're in bed with the oil industry!" or "He's in bed with the gun lobby!". It's never happened to me before, because I'm a good, honest, and decent man (John McCain says so!) that can't be bought off by monied interests. But this time it's different. This time I can't escape the cold, hard facts...

I'm in bed with Big Pharma.

Yes, it's true. My wife, Hadassah, works as a lobbyist for the pharmaceutical industry. She started working for the lobbying firm Hill & Knowlton last year. Hill & Knowlton, who used to work on behalf of the tobacco industry fighting the truthinistas that claimed cigarettes caused cancer, hired her as a “senior counselor” in its “health and pharmaceuticals practice". Just one month after she was hired, I introduced a bill that would give Big Pharma billions in new government "incentives" to produce more flu vaccines. The New Haven Register called my bill a "blank check" to the pharmaceutical industry for "what may be an uncertain or dubious
return."

I know it's wrong. But when Hadassah is lying in bed, wearing that sexy black silk nightie that I really like, it's hard to say no to handouts for Merck and Pfizer. When she's in the hot tub, with the lights turned low and a 'come hither' look in her eyes, I'm not really in a good position to turn down patent extensions for GalaxoSmithKline. Some guys buy flowers or jewelry to get in the good graces of their significant other. In my case, all I have to do is divert large chunks of taxpayer cash into the pockets of multinational corporations.

But I do it for the right reasons. I do it for love.

New Endorsements Section!

2006-07-16T18:26:00.000-07:00

I just added a new section to the sidebar on the right hand side of the screen: endorsements! Whenever one of my good friends stands up to the liberal hordes and decides to publicly back me in my reelection bid, I'll add them to the list. So far, we have Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, William F. Buckley, and Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA). Thanks to all of you guys!

If you know of anyone else that has endorsed the Connecticut For Lieberman campaign, please leave that person's name in the comments!

John McCain Hearts Joe Lieberman

2006-07-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

That's what the headline of this New York Times article should have been! Reporter Mark Leibovich does a great job describing just how rough it is out on the campaign trail, and how mean the media, the bloggers, fellow Democrats, and the voters are to me. But the highlight of the article is when my long-time friend and colleauge John McCain tells it like it is:

Senator John McCain, Republican of Arizona and one of Mr. Lieberman’s closest friends in the Senate, called him “one of the most decent men I have ever known” and simply shook his head when asked about his friend’s situation. “I hesitate to say anything nice about him, for fear that it would be used against him,” Mr. McCain said. “And that’s a terrible commentary on the state of politics and the political climate today.”

Thank you, Senator! See how smart Sen. McCain is? He compliments me by saying that I'm one of the most decent men he's ever met, and then completely contradicts himself by saying that he can't say anything nice about me because it will be used against me by hateful, deranged adversaries. I can only dream of having such political skill. That's straight talk at its best, folks!

The article goes on to discuss the low level of support that I'm getting from turncoat Dems like Al Gore (whose very existance is an inconvenient truth) and Harry Reid (the slogan "Give 'em Hell, Harry!" must not apply to vicious moonbat bloggers). It also mentions the Stamford pub event I did earlier in the week, but thankfully leaves out the part where I was verbally assaulted by a Ned Lamont campaign plant. I'm still seething at that one; sometimes Hadassah will catch me muttering "Maura and Lamont set me up!" around the house. I'll blog about it in more detail once I finally calm down.

But enough about that. The point is that on of my REAL FRIENDS stood up for me in the media. Me and John McCain...Best Friends Forever.

I kind of feel like a man-whore

2006-07-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

Extremist blog MYDD is reporting that, according to filings from the Federal Elections Commission, I have received campaign contributions from 73 CEOs. Now I'm not sure if that's completely accurate (I sort of lost track myself) but I'll take their word for it. Here are some of the companies that these chief executives are in charge of:

Choicepoint
General Dynamics
Cisco Systems
Citigroup Property
Costco
Chicago Mercantile Exchange
Southwest Airlines
People's Bank
ING US Financial Services
Jetblue
Dominion
Loew's Hotels
Chiquita Brands
Pfizer

Remember that these are contributions from corporate leaders, not the companies themselves (that's a whole other story!). Now, I realize that 73 CEOs sounds like a lot, and I guess it probably is. Most of my acquaintences are only friends with like 40 or 50 corporate executives. And, yes, lots of this money comes with strings attached. But if a multi-trillionaire was trying to take YOUR Senate seat away, you might compromise your ideals a bit, too. Besides, I voted for corporate giveaways like the energy bill for a reason. It's time to cash in my chips!

FLASHBACK: Stickin' up for Rummy

2006-07-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

I was digging through some old press clippings, and I found this gem from a Fox News article. It's from May of 2004, right after the Abu Ghraib story broke. Donald Rumsfeld was under a lot of pressure to resign. Fortunately, President Bush and I had Rummy's back:

With both houses of Congress under Republican control, impeachment [of Rumsfeld] wasn't on the agenda. Bush himself has said Rumsfeld has a job so long as he's in the White House.

He "is a really good secretary of defense. Secretary Rumsfeld has served our nation well. Secretary Rumsfeld has been the secretary during two wars," Bush said Thursday. "He's an important part of my Cabinet and he'll stay in my Cabinet."...

Lieberman told Fox News that the calls for Rumsfeld's ouster are a distraction from the larger picture.

"We're in the middle of a war — you wouldn't want to have the secretary of defense change unless there's really good reason for it and I don't see any good reason at this time," Lieberman said.

You can read the rest of the article to see other Democrats like Nancy Pelosi, Charles Rangel, and John Kerry call for Rumsfeld's resignation. How could they have demanded that such a great man resign? Despite such extremist rhetoric from those far left voices, Donald Rumsfeld is still Secretary of Defense to this very day. We couldn't have made all that progress in Iraq over the last two years without him!

ACTBLUE: Donate Today!

2006-07-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

The main reason that I started this blog was to fight back against Ned Lamont on his own turf: the Internet. Well, judging from the recent surge in web traffic, the Connecticut for Lieberman Party blog is making headway!

Now the next step is Internet fundraising, specifically from a service called ActBlue. So far, we have gotten donations from 9 people that add up to a total of $359.00! Thanks, you guys! Of course, Ned Lamont is a little bit ahead of us, but we still have lots of time to catch up. If you can spare some cash, you can donate here. Our goal is 12 donors and $500 by the August 8th primary.

I plan on eventually having one of those "Donate Now" buttons permanently affixed to the blog's homepage, but I'm not quite technically savvy enough to pull it off. But don't worry! My good friend Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) knows everything there is to know about the Internet, and he promised to help me. See Ned? Having a close working relationship with the Republicans in the Senate does have its advantages.

Peace in the Middle East

2006-07-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

Remember, a peaceful Middle East was the main goal when George W. Bush and I first got behind the Glorious War of Iraqi Liberation. And now, over three years later, I think we have seen a marked increase in the stability of the region. Iraq is getting better every day. Iran is rejecting the pull of radicalism. Israelis and Palestinians are, for the most part, getting along well. And things are going great in Lebanon, too!

Remember, none of this would have been possible without intervening in Iraq. I think that's something that Ned Lamont just doesn't understand.

COLBERT: LIEBERMAN IS "MY FAVORITE DEMOCRAT"

2006-07-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

AWESOME!

I love Stephen Colbert and watch his show all the time. It is so GREAT to be lauded by him on NATIONAL TV!!! Did he say Ned Lamont was his favorite Democrat? NO! He said I was! Take that, Ned. Considering Stephen's core demographic, his endorsement should help drum up major support from younger voters. Feel the JOEMENTUM, baby!

I didn't stay up to watch the rest of the segment. I'm sure it was equally complimentary.

CT-SEN Profile on the 700 Club

2006-07-13T19:55:00.000-07:00

Today, my good friend Pat Robertson profiled the race on his program, the 700 Club. I was interviewed, as was my moonbat opponent. Pat, as usual, had some spot-on observations:

"People in office are supposed to represent all the people. And when Senator Lieberman says 'when he swears the oath, he swears to uphold the constitution', not to uphold the Democratic party....It would be a tragedy if these parties get so polarized that there is no common ground and nothing will get done."

Pat Robertson is a man of God; we should all respect his wisdom.

Who is full of shit today?

2006-07-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

Chuck Todd, a DC insider that I thought I could count on, savages me and the Connecticut For Lieberman party in his latest article:

Lieberman has prided himself on not being an angry pol, and that he is somehow different from "regular" politicians. Well, sour-grape independent candidacies are run by angry pols.

It's safe to say that ol' Chuck won't be getting a holiday card from me this year. And I am NOT ANGRY! Where in the hell do people get the idea that I'm angry?

Lamont involved with JONESTOWN SUICIDE CULT

2006-07-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

...according to the Daily Show. He and his followers also drink bleach. Who could vote for such a madman?

Best Campaign Commercial EVER!!!!

2006-07-12T22:10:00.000-07:00

If only I could get every Connecticut primary voter to see this commercial, then I'd win in a landslide! Once voters realize that Ned Lamont is nothing more than Lowell Weicker's bear cub, my victory is assured.

Alan Schlesinger has a GAMBLING PROBLEM

2006-07-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

This just in from the HOTLINE:

Former state Representative Alan Schlesinger is being dogged by gambling rumors, and Bradley Beecher, former commanding officer of the state police’s casino licensing and operations unit, says he received a call from Schlesinger on Tuesday, July 11th seeking information on who was checking out his gambling habits. Beecher is now a consultant on casino security and law enforcement. He’s also a critic of Connecticut gaming policies.

Beecher, who was familiar with Schlesinger, says the Republican nominee told him he is, in gambling parlance, a card counter who has been thrown out of the Mohegan Sun casino. Schlesinger told Beecher and others he plays under an assumed name, Alan Gold. Beecher shared details of his startling conversation with Schlesinger in an email to Republican Governor M. Jodi Rell and others around the state.

This is great news. It probably means that Alan Schlesinger (R) will be forced to drop out of the race. I always thought that it was rude of the Republicans to run someone against me for the Senate, considering how much I've done for them. Even though Schlesinger was a relatively unknown, token candidate, I was still offended. If Alan drops out because of his moral failings, I'm positive that the Republicans won't nominate anyone of substance to replace him. I mean, that would be very disrespectful of all my efforts to forge bipartisan cooperation on Capitol Hill.

I'm already firmly behind our President. No need to run against me, Republicans!

Friends of Connecticut for Lieberman

2006-07-12T14:18:00.000-07:00

The New Haven Independent has an interesting article about some of the people that helped me start my new party, Connecticut for Lieberman. You see, under CT law, you need 25 people to serve as a "party designation committee" to form the thing. The article goes in to detail about one of these fine folks, Martin Looney, whose late father was a good friend of mine. He seems a bit wishy-washy about my independent canidacy, but that's probably because the lies perpetuated by my opponent and the MSM have been infecting his brain.

Also listed are all the other people on the party designation committee. Send them all thank you cards for me!

Not all Democrats are bad

2006-07-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

I'm sure this one supports me!

Watch me SMACK DOWN the Democrats!

2006-07-12T11:40:00.000-07:00

I had to degrade myself by digging through the lefty blogosphere, but I finally found a clip of me sticking up for our Commander-In-Chief back in December of last year. I've been a Senator for 18 years now, but I have to say that this is the moment that I'm most proud of. You don't know how good it felt to put Democrats back in their place on that cold, winter day. Get it through your thick skulls, Dems: During times of war, criticism of the President is VERBOTEN.

Oh, and apologies for the beginning of this clip....you're going to suffer through the ignorant ramblings of Jack Murtha. He only WISHES he was a Senator like me!

I'm Outraged!

2006-07-12T01:33:00.000-07:00

You'd be pissed off too if you had to deal with this shit.

A WAR OF NECESSITY

2006-07-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

Here's an old speech I gave defending my beloved war from the loony lefties that want to stop it. No little bear cub is going to stop my principled stand on this war!

After my speech, my friends, Sen. Warner (R-VA) and Sen. Santorum (R-PA) offer some kind words. Thanks guys, you're the best!

No Thank You for you

2006-07-11T22:48:00.000-07:00

At the end of the the debate between myself and Ned "Multimillionaire" Lamont, I refused to thank him for the debate, because he was such a rude asshole. Many people e-mailed me and asked if I also refused to thank Dick Cheney after the VP debate in 2000. Well, here's the transcript:

MODERATOR: Gentlemen, now closing statements. A prior coin toss has determined that you begin, Senator Lieberman.

LIEBERMAN: That went very quickly. Thank you, Bernie, and thanks, Dick Cheney, for a very good debate.

Hell yeah, I thanked Dick Cheney! You want to know why? Because Dick Cheney is a good man, a decent family man that cares about his country. Ned Lamont is just a dream crushing, power hungry extremist that wants to steal my Senate seat! Well, Ned......YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! Like the Soup Nazi says, NO SOUP FOR YOU!

LITTLE BEAR CUB

2006-07-11T21:58:00.000-07:00

Other Famous Joes

2006-07-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

Best baseball player ever? Joe DiMaggio
Best football player ever? Joe Montana
Best actor of all time? Joe Pesci
Best boxer of all time? Joe Louis
Best Hardy Boys character? Joe Hardy
Best amazing technicolor dream coat? Belongs to a guy named Joe!
Best Aerosmith member? Joe Perry
Best Soviet nuclear weapons test? Joe 1
Best Senator besides me? Joe Biden (sorry you missed your train, buddy)

It sure kicks ass to be a Joe.

A new enemy enters the race?

2006-07-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

According to Hotline, a new candidate is throwing her hat into the ring to steal my Senate seat away from me. Her name is Diana Urban, a Republican (good) anti-war (bad) state representative. She's copying me and filing petitions for an independent run. Bitch better step off if she knows what's good for her.

A PARTY OF ONE

2006-07-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the official Connecticut for Lieberman homepage on the World Wide Web! My name is Joe Lieberman (you can call me Joe). I am the party's founder, chairman, and sole member.

This blog's mission is to fight the lies of my opponent and the blogofascists that support him. And it's no more Mr. Nice Senator, either. As I proved in the debate with Ned "Six Positions on Iraq" Lamont, I'm not going to take this bullshit anymore. You're going to have to pry my Senate seat from my cold, dead hands!